We Can Do Hard Things

My husband and I finally sat down together to make a final decision once and for all. Should we disrupt? We were constantly wondering if the behaviors were to much to handle with our little guy. He was harming himself and others around him and it was exhausting to keep up with, especially with two other babies. And then visits started and it got SO MUCH WORSE. After much contemplation, the conversation started with me brining up a hike we did while we were dating. It was a long and hard hike that neither of us had done before. During our hike up the mountain we somehow ended up off the path. We were able to see the path we needed to get back on but the only way to it was a steep rocky edge. The problem was that every time you stepped on a rock they would slide underneath you. I was crying. We were both terrified. My husband (then boyfriend) tried to put on a brave face for me. He looked at me, explained the situation, and told me that together we can do hard things. We were able to safely make it to the top of that mountain and see a spectacular view. Ever since then my husbands words have become a mantra for us. When we struggled with failed IUIs and IVF my husband held me and gently reminded me that we can do hard things. When we sat down to determine what to do about our difficult new placement I looked my husband in the eyes and asked him if he remembered that hike. I then told him that we can do hard things, we can do THIS hard thing. I think we both were relieved after those words. Relieved that we could stop questioning and instead put our energy into helping him. It felt right. We were finally able to fully accept God's plan of placing this child with us. We thought we had already, but for us it took casting out even the littlest bit of doubt to allow God's love to flow through. Where there was worry and stress I now feel peace. Don't get me wrong, the child's behaviors aren't any easier. He's the same, but I've changed, and that makes all the difference.